Becoming the best me I can be

Posts tagged ‘rambling’

Late night ramble when I should be sleeping

Ah insomnia. Peanut has had a crazy sleep schedule lately. She will sleep through the night for 3-4 days. Then she will become a night owl staying up all night for 3-4 days. It’s been a continuing cycle. I try to get her off of the late nights but she keeps reverting back to it. This has been really messing up my sleep schedule. When I do finally get her to fall asleep, I am left wide awake. I laid in bed for 45 minutes trying to sleep to no avail. I finally got up when I had to pee and didn’t see the point in going back to bed.

What I hate most about being wide awake at night is the free time I have to think. I’m an overthinker. I think and think and think. One thought leads to another to another and its a hard cycle to break. I am currently worried about finances but I’m not even bothering getting into that. Worrying about our finances makes me wish so badly that I was still licensed for massage therapy. I even spent time looking on craigslist for job openings. I don’t know why I bothered because it makes me even sadder. I loved doing massage therapy. It was a passion of mine. Unfortunately, I can’t afford to renew my license. Especially without a massage therapy job waiting for me. Not to mention I haven’t given a real massage in almost a year.

Part of me wants to get into shape, lose weight, live a healthy lifestyle and then help others do the same. I’m not sure how I would do that. Either becoming a fitness instructor or something. It has been a possible thought in the back of my mind but it is too far away for me to even think about it. I also fear of the same thing happening to that “dream” as what happened to my massage therapy dream. I don’t even know if it is even a dream at this point. More of wishful thinking. I haven’t even talked to anyone about this. Not even Hubby.

I want to do something inspiring. I want to help other people and motivate them to better themselves. I want a job where I can do what I love but also have plenty of time to spend with Peanut. Part of me feels like I am meant to do great things but I don’t know what those things are. I have always felt a drive to do…. something. I just haven’t been able to figure out exactly what that is or how to implement it correctly into my life. I am hoping I will learn what it is as I continue on my path to a healthy lifestyle and as I continue this journey to becoming a better me. I have so much passion and enthusiasm. Hopefully, I will find a way to put it to good use. Until then I will use it to better myself, be a wonderful mother and wife, and use it to write this blog.

I told you this overthinking gets me in trouble. I’ll stop while I’m ahead. LOL! Thanks for reading to my weird late night ramble post. haha! Hopefully, I will feel more positive in the morning 🙂

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