I am a very happy, outspoken, enthusiastic, confident woman most of the time. I would say 95% of the time I have high self-confidence, high self-esteem and high self-worth. I love myself very much and I know I am a wonderful person. I don’t say this to sound conceited. I just know I have a wonderful, loving, caring personality, not to mention being a great friend. It took me years to learn how to be this way but I have learned to love myself for who I am regardless of what anyone says (myself included) or how much I weigh. I know I am a good person.
But 5% of the time, I feel a lot less confident in myself. Today is one of those days. I just don’t feel that sexy today. I know most women go through this after having their baby but I really didn’t. There are times when I have looked in the mirror and frowned at the pooch I now have postpartum. I have learned to love it most of the time. If it wasn’t for my amazing body and the belly pooch, I wouldn’t have my amazing little girl. I can look at my belly with love and feel impressed with how amazing my body is. Some days (like today) I just look at it and sexy is the last word I’d use to describe it.
My day started out normal. I did my workouts as usual and spent the day with Hubby and Peanut. But somewhere along the way (by 3pm-ish), I have just seemed to flounder in my self-confidence and feel unattractive. I know it’s just a mood swing and I’ll feel fine tomorrow but I’m just feeling blah today. I know I am working hard to make myself healthy and fit. I am working on losing my pooch and I have already lost 5 inches around my navel. But today I just see how far I have to go instead of how far I’ve come.
I want to look smoking hot and sexy for my husband. He is so amazing, loving, kind and a wonderful dad to my daughter. I want him to show me off and be proud to wear me on his arm. I want to wear cute clothes and dresses to make him beg for it. I want to feel and look sexy. Don’t get me wrong. My husband already thinks I’m sexy and is proud to call me his wife. We still flirt with each other all the time (even though we’ve been together for 5 years now) and have a very active sex life. This isn’t about him. He’s wonderful. I’m just talking about how I’m feeling. I know he thinks I’m sexy but I want to be sexier for him and myself. Looking smoking hot and sexy is a great benefit to me as well. It will boost my self-esteem even further and I will be healthier as well.
Whenever I feel down or unattractive, it has always helped me to write about my feelings that way they aren’t pent up inside. It keeps me from eating away my feelings. I am an emotional eater. Whenever I’m stressed or upset or feeling blah, I eat (usually junk food). But writing is my healthy way of releasing my feelings in a productive and non-unhealthy way. I am already feeling better after writing this post. I am also posting this instead of trashing it to let other people on the same journey as me know they are not alone when they have bad days or are feeling down. We are only human and we all have our bad days.